Hello everyone,
I'll explain why i rarely active in here and often active in instagram and often delayed request..
i will show you to let you know..
my grandma was passed away after we celebrate valentines day and chinese new year (which i decided to took a break up with @nidaime69) . she had a appendix surgery before her death and her health become much better after she off from hospital when we instructed by doctors. then,when things suddenly appears, My grandma has a heart failure after me,my aunt and my cousin witnessed some suddenly things to hear like heavily breathing,can't speak properly and her eyes sight was emptier. I became anxious and denial and shakes my body in fear. then,after i heard that my grandma was passed away and my siblings grieved,i started to meltdown and screams because of my autism as i delayed my emotions. but then,i bursted into a tears two hours later as blaming myself that i was a cause of my grandma death. my mum came to me and calm down myself as she told her that its wasnt my fault as she told me because of god fate,
as she offered me some sedative pill as i refused to go to her funeral. i loved her but i can't stand if my emotions gotten worse and worst if i going to her funeral. then a weeks later, i binge eaten then barf,skipping pray,cries alot,not getting enough sleep,<strike>self harmed</strike> and often getting worse after my grandma death, thats why i gained some pounds of my body. then,my first cousin once removed aka aunt from my mum cousin is getting covid19 as we decided to quarantine ourself including my family.
then,when ramadan,my uncle went to hospital because of heart attack.which i worsen my health again but luckily,he has a second chance of life after doctor perform angiography (a another method of surgery) as he watch out of his health but my grieves and binge eating after iftar is still as i rarely contacts anyone.
after the phase of my ptsd and grieves,i decide to rise again as i stopped binge eating after all and i decided to became strong and begin to love myself again. I started to diet again then began tried to fix my sleeping time as i decided to tried contact my ex,but it works,we still had a good relationship even i had a pride and unlike usual broke up,we didn't block each other,bad mouthing each other. but i dont know when i make up with him again (even i don't expected it since i had a move on phase)..
and now,i can ride a bike very well every morning as i began to improve myself as my late grandma's last word to me
but my habits of ramadan such as staying up late,began over. however,since i heard covid type delta which is damage kids until 18 years old, i began to scared again and protected my sis to not going anywhere for a while.
now,i decided to commit diet,exercises more and loses some weight after binge eating because some grief as i began love myself more. as my dad,my 3 sis gotten vaccine and me and my mum would be soon to got it. i don't know when new normal and covid gone..